As if time were in debt.
dost thou reason!
Bear it straight, And bring thy master home immediately.
There’s not a man I meet but doth salute
me As if I were their well-acquainted friend, And every one doth call me by my name.
Some tender money to me; some invite me; Some other give me thanks for kindnesses; Some offer me commodities to buy.
Even now a tailor
called me in his shop And showed me silks that he had bought for me, And therewithal took measure
of my body.
Sure, these are but imaginary
wiles, And lapland sorcerers inhabit
Master, here’s The gold you sent me for.
What Adam dost thou mean?
Not that Adam that kept the Paradise, but that Adam that keeps the prison; he that goes in the calf’s skin that was killed for the Prodigal; he that came behind you, sir, like an evil angel, and bid you forsake
I understand thee not.
What, thou meanest an officer?
Ay, sir, the sergeant
of the band; he that brings any man to answer it that breaks his band; one that thinks a man always going to bed and says “God give you good rest.” Well, sir, there rest in your foolery.
Is there any ships put forth tonight?
May we be gone?
Why, sir, I brought you word an hour since that the bark The fellow is distract, and so am I, And here we wander
power deliver us from hence!
Well met, well met, Master Antipholus.
I see, sir, you have found the goldsmith
Is that the chain you promised me today?
thee, tempt me not.
Master, is this Mistress Satan?
It is the devil.
Nay, she is worse; she is the devil’s dam, and here she comes in the habit of a light wench.
Light is an effect of fire, and fire will burn: ergo, light wenches will burn.
Your man and you are marvelous
Will you go with me?
We’ll mend our dinner here.
Master, if you do, expect spoon meat; or bespeak a long spoon.
I pray you, sir, my ring or else the chain.
I hope you do not mean to cheat me so.
Avaunt, thou witch!—Come, Dromio, let us go.
Mistress, that you know.
Now, out of doubt Antipholus is mad; Else would he never so demean himself.
A ring he hath of mine worth forty ducats, And for the same he promised me a chain.
Both one and other he denies me now.
The reason that I gather he is mad, Besides this present instance
of his rage, Is a mad tale he told today at dinner Of his own doors being shut against his entrance.
Belike his wife, acquainted with his fits, On purpose shut the doors against his way.
My way is now to hie home to his house And tell his wife that, being lunatic, He rushed into my house and took perforce My ring away.
This course I fittest choose, For forty ducats is too much to lose.
Five summers have I spent in farthest
Greece, Roaming clean through the bounds of Asia, And, coasting homeward, came to Ephesus, Hopeless to find, yet loath to leave unsought Or that or any place that harbors men.
But though thou art adjudgèd to the death, And passèd sentence
may not be recalled But to our honour’s great disparagement, Yet will I favor thee in what I can.
Therefore, merchant, I’ll limit thee this day To seek thy life by beneficial
I will, my lord.
Fear me not, man.
I tell you, ’twill sound harshly
in her ears.
Here comes my man.
I think he brings the money.
How now, sir?
Have you that I sent you for?
Here’s that, I warrant
you, will pay them all.
But where’s the money?
Why, sir, I gave the money for the rope.
I’ll serve you, sir, five hundred at the rate.
To what end did I bid thee hie thee home?
To a rope’s end, sir, and to that end am I returned.
And to that end, sir, I will welcome
Good sir, be patient.
Good now, hold thy tongue.
Nay, rather persuade
him to hold his hands.
I would I were senseless, sir, that I might not feel your blows.
Thou art sensible
in nothing but blows, and so is an ass.
I am an ass, indeed; you may prove it by my long ears.—I have served him from the hour of my nativity to this instant, and have nothing at his hands for my service but blows.
Nay, I bear it on my shoulders as a beggar
wont her brat, and I think when he hath lamed me, I shall beg with it from door to door.
Come, go along.
My wife is coming yonder.
Mistress, Wilt thou still talk?
How say you now?
Is not your husband mad?
Mark how he trembles in his ecstasy.
thee by all the saints in heaven.
Peace, doting wizard, peace.
I am not mad.
O, that thou wert not, poor distressèd soul!
You minion, you, are these your customers?
Did this companion
with the saffron face Revel and feast it at my house today Whilst upon me the guilty
doors were shut And I denied to enter in my house?
Dined at home”?
Thou villain, what sayest thou?
Sir, sooth to say, you did not dine at home.
Were not my doors locked up and I shut out?
Perdie, your doors were locked, and you shut out.
And did not she herself revile me there?
Sans fable, she herself reviled you there.
Did not her kitchen maid rail, taunt, and scorn me?
And did not I in rage depart from thence?
In verity you did.—My bones bear witness, That since have felt the vigour
of his rage.
It is no shame.
Alas, I sent you money to redeem
you By Dromio here, who came in haste for it.
Money by me!
Went’st not thou to her for a purse of ducats?
He came to me, and I delivered it.
And I am witness
with her that she did.
God and the rope-maker bear me witness
That I was sent for nothing but a rope.
Mistress, both man and master is possessed.
I know it by their pale and deadly
They must be bound and laid in some dark room.
I did not, gentle husband, lock thee forth.
And, gentle master, I received no gold.
But I confess, sir, that we were locked out.
Let him not come near me.
The fiend is strong within him.
What, will you murder me?—Thou jailer, thou, I am thy prisoner.
Wilt thou suffer them To make a rescue?
Masters, let him go.
He is my prisoner, and you shall not have him.
Go, bind this man, for he is frantic
He is my prisoner.
If I let him go, The debt he owes will be required of me.
I will discharge
thee ere I go from thee.
Bear me forthwith
unto his creditor, And, knowing
how the debt grows, I will pay it.— Good Master Doctor, see him safe conveyed Home to my house.
O most unhappy
O most unhappy
Master, I am here entered in bond for you.
How idly do they talk!
One Angelo, a goldsmith.
Do you know him?
I know the man.
Two hundred ducats.
Time’s not the one in debt.
Your logic is so foolish.
Take it to your master and bring him home immediately.
Every person I meet greets me like an old friend, and every one of them knows my name.
Some of them give me money, some invite me places, some thank me for the kind things I’ve done for them, some try to sell me things.
Just now a tailor
showed me fabrics he bought especially for me and then started to take my measurements.
These are tricks of the imagination, and this place is filled with magicians.
Here’s the money you wanted, master.
Who’s this Adam you speak of?
Not the Adam from the garden of Eden, but the Adam from the jailhouse.
I don’t know what you’re talking about.
You mean an officer?
Yes, the leader of the team; the one that gets you if you can’t pay a debt; the one who assumes people are always going to bed and says to them, “Have arrest.” Well, sir, stop your joking there.
Are any ships leaving tonight?
Can we go?
Why, sir, I told you an hour ago that the good ship This fellow’s gone mad, and so have I. We’re in some kind of dream world.
Please, somebody, get us out of here!
Good to see you, Master Antipholus.
I see you’ve met with the jeweler.
Is that chain you’re wearing the one you promised to give to me?
Get away from me, Satan!
Don’t try to tempt me!
Master, is this Satan’s mistress?
She’s the devil.
No, she’s worse: she’s the devil’s mother, and she comes to us disguised as an easy wench.
But fire also gives off light, and fire will burn you.
You and your servant are very funny, sir.
Will you come with me?
Can we finish our lunch?
Master, if you eat with her, bring really long silverware.
Some Now listen, either give me my ring or give me the necklace.
I hope you’re not trying
to cheat me.
Come, Dromio, let’s go.
Mistress, you know about that.
Antipholus has gone insane, no question about it.
He has a ring of mine, worth forty ducats, and he promised to give me a necklace
in exchange for it.
Now he won’t give me either.
The reason I think he’s insane, besides the way he just acted, is that he told a senseless
story over lunch about being locked out of his own house.
His wife probably did it on purpose because she knows what kind of fits he’s having.
I must go to his house and tell his wife that he came bursting into my place like a lunatic
and stole my ring.
It’s my best option: I can’t afford to lose forty ducats.
I’ve spent five years in the remotest parts of Greece and roaming all over Asia.
However, I’ll do what I can for you.
I will allow you one day to look for help in Ephesus.
Don’t worry, man, I won’t try to escape.
I tell you, this will make her angry when she hears about it.
Here’s my servant.
I think he’s got the money.
Hello there, sir!
Do you have what I told you to get?
But where’s the money?
Why, sir, I spent it on this rope.
I can get you five hundred ropes for that price.
Why did I just send you home?
And here I am, with that piece.
And I’ll use that piece of rope to welcome
Good sir, calm down.
Hold your tongue.
No, you should tell him to hold his hands!
I wish I were senseless, sir, so that I wouldn’t feel your punches!
The only thing you can sense are punches—just like an ass.
I am an ass, indeed: you can tell by my long ears.
I figure that once he’s crippled me, I’ll beg by showing off my beatings.
My wife’s coming.
Mistress, think about your end—beware of your death!
EPHESUS Now what do you think?
Your husband’s mad, isn’t he?
He’s trembling in his fit!
I demand this in the name of all the saints in heaven.
Shut up, you doddering old wizard!
I’m not possessed!
Oh, I wish you weren’t, you poor, frightened soul.
Listen, hussy—is this man one of your customers?
Did this fool with the yellow face feast and celebrate
in my house today while the guilty
doors shut in my face and locked me out of my own house?
Ate at home?
You there, rogue, what do you have to say about that?
I swear, sir, you did not eat at home.
My doors were locked and I was shut out, right?
By God, your doors were locked and you were shut out.
And she screamed at me, right?
No lie—she screamed at you.
And her cook yelled, mocked, and teased me, right?
And I departed
in a rage, right?
You truly did.
I gave it to Dromio, who rushed in for it.
You gave money to me?
Didn’t you go to her for a purse full of ducats?
He did, and I gave it to him.
And I saw her do it.
I was sent for a rope!
Mistress, both the man and his master are possessed.
I can tell by how pale and deathlike they look.
We must tie them up and leave them in some dark room.
My sweet husband, I did not lock you out.
And my sweet master, I received no gold.
But I agree, sir, that we were locked out.
Keep him away from me!
We need more help!
The devil in him is strong!
jailer, i’m your prisoner.
are you going to let them break me out of jail?
Gentlemen, let go of him.
He’s my prisoner and you can’t have him.
Tie up the servant, for he is mad as well.
He’s my prisoner.
If I let him go, I’ll have to pay his bail fees myself.
I’ll pay you.
Take me to the man my husband is in debt to.
What a horrible
What a horrible
Master, I’m all tied up for you.
The poor souls—how strangely
Angelo, the jeweler.
Do you know him?
I know him.
Two hundred ducats.